The Ugly Underbelly of Motherhood.

Ok, I'll admit, that title might be a bit dramatic.

As much as we all love being mothers though, let's be honest, there are parts of it that really stink and I'm not just talking
about when your kiddo poops in her sling and it explodes half way down your shirt while you're in the midst of the human maze that is Costco. That type of stink can at least be tediously wiped off, in a public restroom, one insanely un-absorbent napkin at a time and that odor is able to be semi-blown away by the complimentary restroom hand dryer you're now getting to second base with while a complete saint of a stranger offers to hold your naked baby in what will be the one of the most humanitarian acts of her life according to you.

But I digress, let's now take a look at the aspects of motherhood that will not be as temporary and by everyone's calculation, probably last for the next 18 years.

So here we go- Things that totally stink about Mommyhood-

#1)Contagious Junk Drawerism. We all have those drawers in our house where on any given day we can locate a plethora of coupons, scissors, Scrabble tiles, tweezers, missing buttons, flashlights, rubber bands, outlet covers, Mardi Gras beads, nursing pads-because you never know when they may come in handy again even though you haven't breastfed in over a year (still, don't throw those puppies out!), baby shoes you've meant to get bronzed or hot glue into a scrap book or whatever, receipts, kool-aid packs where the powder is now more of a solid fruit punch block, and MIA stove knobs. Sometimes I honestly begin to wonder if my family has secretly adopted a highway somewhere and is dumping all of the contents of its shoulder into my kitchen drawers.

Either way, the thing no one tells you before you become a mother is that this crap collecting compulsion spreads. Before you know it you'll be out at a fancy event with your husband when you reach into your purse for a business card and instead end up pulling out a bouncy ball that through the magic of a half sucked on lollipop is now syrup-titiously bonded to a tampon. "You know what, how about I just find you on Linked-In? Yeah, nice meeting you too Senator!"

A mother's purse is a junk drawer in disguise, as well as any subsequent diaper bags she may have. That is why the darn things are always so ridiculously huge, so now you know.

#2) Cutting Bangs. This is the generational curse my family carries, which when considering we are Scotch/Irish, I suppose to some, chronically crooked bang cutting is worse than crippling alcoholism, but the jury's still out on that one in my household.

My grandmother had this disease, as evidenced by this picture of my mom and aunts; those poor girls. And my mother also had this disease, but thanks to extensive hair counseling she was able to make better choices when raising me and as a child I was able to go through tedious amounts of Bang Growing Out therapy, others may know it as Barrette To The Side training. I was one of the lucky ones, though, and while it may have skipped a generation, my girls have not been able to escape the wrath no matter how hard I tried to curb my cutting urge.

They tell you in therapy that the best way to overcome this a disease is to never make that first cut, but sadly three weeks ago, after nearly 18 months of Eddie undergoing a rigorous form of Pebbles Flintstone therapy I made that first crooked cut. And, in a windstorm, she has a perfectly adorable bob/bang combo today.

#3) Baby outfits people give you at your shower with words on the butt. Let me begin by saying I do not know when this fashion became acceptable but in the DeLaRosa house it's getting shut down. I am aware that a majority of the time that which lies below my daughter's velour covered and pamper laden booty is juicy, thank you very much, but the last thing I want to do is advertise such an unlovely gift from nature to everyone at the playground. They're all smart people; they can figure that one out for themselves.

So sorry, Mimi, PawPaw and Auntie Evelyn, the best you're going to get is a quick, staged pic of her in that outfit before I re-gift it next week to that poor unsuspecting preggo from MOPS. Baby pants with words on the butt are the new proverbial fruitcake.

#4) The asinine things your children force you to holler out while you are on an important phone call. Some examples are:

"That better be chocolate!"
"No! Only mommies can feed their human babies that way! Put. The. Turtle. Down. NOW!"
"Did you pee or is that just water? Either way don't sit on anything"
"No, you're not your brother's 'boyfriend.' You're his 'girlfriend.' No wait! You're his sister, and his friend, so you're his sisterfriend! Bottom line, you're too young to be anyone's boyfriend!"
"Do you see wings? Then, no, she can't fly. Get her down now!"

Usually these outbursts are followed by snickering on the other end of the line, which is precisely what you what when to hear when filing a complaint with the phone company, scheduling an appointment with your gynecologist's office, or giving a live radio interview.


While all of these loathsome moments of motherhood seem relentlessly annoying now, I find respite in the fact that one day I know I will look back at the pictures of my crooked banged children who have lollipops stuck to their velour butts and laugh wildly. Then I will subsequently pay for full-page ads in their senior yearbook and submit congratulatory wishes alongside said picture. Revenge can be sticky lollipop sweet sometimes. ☺

The Greatest Thing About Eddie Kazu.......

She thinks kisses are the greatest things that ever happened to her. She anticipates them and can barely manage her jubilation when they happen. I love her joy. It overwhelms me.

High Resolutions for 2009

1. Buy more dish soap. It just so happens that we are out, and so this will be an easy one to succeed at.

2. Invest more energy into the NWF's.

3. Cook more. Get better at it.

4. Be healthy, but not just that, ACTIVELY try to not look pregnant.

5. Only correct the grammar of people I love and care about (the ones who I don't want to look stupid in front of other people), and leave everyone else alone.

6. Start eating breakfast...I keep hearing that I need to do that.

7. Stop eating little smokeys for breakfast...even though technically it is one thirty, so maybe that makes this lunch.

8. Learn some spanish.

9. Go out of my way to do something nice for my husband or kids everyday.

10. Learn how to use semi-colons; I'm pretty sure I'm a flagrant over-user.

The Humane League

There is a woman in my neighborhood who walks her dogs. And by walks, I mean she holds one puff shaped little pup under each arm and walks. They don't...just her.

She is what you call a 'dog person.' I however am not.

Upon noticing this about myself I felt oddly a kin to the likes of a serial killer. I mean, there had to be that one day when the light bulb went off and they realized, 'wow, some people actually care if they are the reason for another persons demise...hmmm....that's odd.' This is me and pets. I'm that jerk who says 'WHAT?!?!?! You paid HOW MUCH to get you dog CHEMOTHERAPY???? What ON EARTH were you thinking?!?!?' I cannot fathom that type of innate compassion for an animal. To me this is absolute insanity. Don't get me wrong, it saddens me to think of dogs being put to sleep or hit by cars, but at the same time...c'mon, it's an animal, right?!?! And honestly, how am I the jerk? You're the ones picking and choosing which ones you eat, and which ones you buy matching family sweaters for the holiday greeting card picture. At least I'm across the board....not that I would eat my dog...I'm not saying that...calm down Bob Barker....ah, I digress.

So, here's the point: I like Nico. He's a friend, perhaps not my best. But then again, I'm not a man, so it really doesn't apply now does it? All that aside, today we had Nico neutered. So now neither of us our "men" and he certainly is no friend of mine. It was sad, on the way home I tried to pet his little head in the car and he quickly jerked it away. 'Dad' was the one who drove him to the vet but for some reason I'm the one being given the cold...nose.

And what's crazy is all day long I was thinking about him. Worried. I felt as though someone I actually cared about was in the hospital undergoing surgery. (Let me pause here to say for all of you "dog people" I realize I sound a bit cavalier in my emotional description, but this is new for me...I'm usually seen as a "people person") So, oddly enough I think, perhaps, my grench sized heart took it's first ever canine loving beat today. I finally feel human(e).

I'm thinking about replacing this section on the site. Opinions?

WHAT ABOUT ABORTION IN THE CASE OF RAPE OR INCEST?

Let me begin by stating the sole purpose of this question is to make pro-lifers out to be monsters. It was designed as a catch twenty two, but if someone is actually willing to listen to our response then we must be prepared to articulate it clearly and logically for them.

If we say that we are accepting of abortion in these rare (1%) cases we have immediately lost all credibility. Ultimately we've taken the legs out from under the 'sanctity of life argument' which many of us believe so passionately in. What makes a child conceived under these horrific terms any less of a person than one conceived through a loving, caring relationship? Why is it alright for this child to be torn limb by limb but not the other? In my opinion this is the Achilles’ heel of the pro-life movement. More often than not we are divided over this question even though our core beliefs are united.

Now, if we say we oppose abortion under any circumstance, then we are heartless, and ultimately anti-woman. This is simply untrue.

Recently, I attended a protest where a woman was carrying a sign reading “(a certain political candidate) believes in making rapists fathers.” My question is this, what is the other alternative? Making a rape victim a murderer? I know that sounds a bit harsh but often times they accuse themselves of murder in the end, being able to forgive their perpetrated but not themselves.

After a woman has been assaulted, having her body violently invaded, why would we assume that the best thing for her is to have it invaded again? David Reardon complied a book of testimonies from these women who we frequently hear spoken for, but are rarely heard from. And you know what? Quite a few of them are disgusted by the fact that so many individuals use their circumstances as grounds for justifying abortion. Because this has become such an acceptable social norm in any case of unexpected pregnancy, when it comes to an instance of rape or incest, we immediately assume we are doing these women justice by forcing abortions on them. After going through the trauma of rape many women are literally broken and understandably not thinking clearly. Add to this the fact that their loved ones assume an abortion is the only thing that will take away this unspeakable memory and these women are left with little CHOICE of their own.

The fact is nothing will take away a rape. Nothing will ever erase that memory from their mind. Nothing will make it more acceptable, and nothing will make it easier to live with. In the end an abortion only exacerbates the issue, which is truly anti-woman.

The good news; with all new life there is also new possibility. The possibility for joy to come out of pain, and light to come out of darkness. How can the world steal that away from these women? It's unjust. In my opinion this should be our response.

Abstinence is enough for our children's textbooks

By KYLEEN WRIGHT

After reading the Rev. George Mason's column, "Theology of Sex," it strikes me that although we appear to be on opposite sides of this issue, we have much in common.

Like Dr. Mason, I am also teaching my children abstinence, and agree that it is not necessary to use shame, fear or incomplete information to teach our children about human sexuality.

I imagine most parents would agree that schools have no business undermining what we are teaching our teens about sex and the responsibility that accompanies it. Just as it is not the school's place to teach my sons religion, neither is it the school's place to teach human sexuality in a way that contradicts our faith, as well as the laws of this state.

Don't we all support age-appropriate and medically accurate information? The devil is in the details. Who decides what is age-appropriate information for the eighth- and ninth-graders who will take this mandatory health course?

In 1995, a bipartisan Legislature answered the question. Abstinence must be stressed, but local school boards can decide what (if any) sex education will be taught in addition to the mandatory abstinence education. Local health advisory committees, which are to be dominated by parents, are set up to assist each local school board with this decision. In addition, parents, as the ultimate decision makers, were guaranteed the right to pull their children out of any of these programs.

Including sensitive material in the textbook of a mandatory health course is a backdoor attempt to violate the spirit of the law, if not the law itself. While I am content to let liberals educate their children in the manner they see fit, why are they not always eager to extend that same right to me when it conflicts with their agenda?

The fact is that a majority of parents in Texas disagree with Dr. Mason's friends at Texas Freedom Network and Planned Parenthood, who push sex as a recreational activity to be pursued with whomever, whenever teens in their infinite wisdom decide they are ready.

Some of us have observed that even as the rate of condom use among teens has risen as much as 40 percent, the rates of sexually transmitted diseases have continued to skyrocket. Comprehensive sex ed has ruled the educational roost for three decades, buoyed by the AIDS scare in the 1980s. Instead of a reduction in pregnancy or births, Texas saw a doubling of teen pregnancy rates. We have gone from the big three STDs when I was in high school - syphilis, gonorrhea and herpes - to 35 sexually transmitted diseases known to be prevalent.

Even the National Institutes of Health state that when it comes to many STDs, they can't say how effective - if at all - condoms are. Turns out that some STDs are spread from skin-to-skin contact, and condoms don't cover everything. That is the God's honest, loving truth our kids need to know.

In the early 1990s groups such as ours began offering abstinence education in schools and churches in response to the moral, social and economic chaos our teens experienced as a result of decades of these flawed, value-neutral sex programs. Immediately the pregnancy rate began dropping, and it has come down every year since. Last year Texas was one of three states to receive a $19.9 million award from the federal government for reducing out-of-wedlock births without increasing abortions.

All over the country, abstinence is making a comeback. Rolling Stone magazine even called it the "new revolution." Abstinence is the reason teen pregnancy and birth rates are coming down. Abstinence is the loving truth that will protect our kids.

Kyleen Wright is president of the Texans for Life Coalition. Her e-mail is kwright@texlife.org.

Scraps

and excerpts...that weren't used, but that I'm still moderately satisfied with. (haha, that was a re-write of 'but I'm still proud of')

Pro-Life Feminists: Think Twice Before You Call Us Oxymorons!

There has been a lot of controversy in the news lately over the idea of Pro-Life Feminism. To many people, this is a non sequitur. Not based in logic or reason, rather on societal stereotypes. Who’s ever known a feminist who’s not Pro-Choice?

Allow me to shed some light on the logic behind this growing movement and also let you in on a little secret: Women, have been utterly deceived by society’s version of women’s liberation and by our “right” to abortion. It’s a crock and here’s why...
As a mother, I can tell you the most courageous decision I ever made in my life was bringing my son into this world when I was only 17 years old. I was single, terrified, and oddly enough, up for the challenge. Through this profound blessing I was able to discover a strength inside of myself that I never knew I even possessed. Choosing abortion to me would have meant running away from a fact. I WAS A MOTHER NOW. Nothing was going to change that, abortion or otherwise. In my opinion it would have been cowardly to terminate my pregnancy and meant I was running away from it; the very opposite, I thought, of what a strong, capable woman would do in this situation. Through my experience, I became super woman; resilient, powerful, and able to take on anything the world handed me.

The suffrage movement (note that I did not say the 'feminist movement') began as a way to acquire equal rights for women, rights which we desperately needed to be an active, contributing part of society. Rights which we deserved; the right to vote; the right to fair wages. Years later the feminist movement came along, still following the same basic concept of gaining equality, but with a few new; very deceiving, very detrimental twist. One which replaced striving for equality with settling for equality. No women deserves abortions rights. This is not an prize, rather a punishment. What intelligent woman would honestly fight for her ‘right’ to perpetuate a violent crime against her God given super power? The one thing which makes her unique...and in my opinion, superior.

Women began to think that if they were chained down with the burden of motherhood then we would never be able to compete in this man's world. So, what is the solution you fiery, old school feminists? Simple. Eliminate the problem. All very logical.
Very masculinely formulated. Unfortunately, also incredibly short sided. After we've 'eliminated the problem(s),' however many might rear their ugly pink plus signs over our 40+ year careers, then what? We get a corporate job, a commemorative gold watch and tear filled retirement party? We'll sure...that's comparable....or not. Now, will this gold watch be able to eliminate the years of guilt and anguish that MANY women feel following the violence of abortion? Will it compensate for a lifetime lost to inexplicable anger rooted in these women's psyche from going against nature and aborting their unborn child(ren)? Will it unshackle those same chains of bondage that we were fighting so hard to escape from in the first place? I propose this, why settle for equality when we are designed to do something no man will ever be able to do?

Who’s the oxymoron now?