I am just having a really hard time telling the difference between opportunities and obligations. Here's a list of everything that I have on my plate right now:
Mother to two, brilliant, active, little and medium kids
New webmaster and web designer for GCRW
New newsletter editor for GCRW
DGL for MOPS
Thursday morning theology student of Ally's
I run Archizilla, a dot com, from home
Saturday shift volunteer at Hope Resource Center of McKinney
Table talk leader for Coffee Talk
P.E.A.C.E. group leader
Founder, speaker, janitor for New Wave Femmes
Occasional shower taker
How did I get myself into all of this?...well, I mean I know how I got into the first, and bottom three, but...
I just don't know how to say 'no.' I know how to say '...well, I don't want to let you guys down, but...,' and 'I just really don't think I can, but I'll try...,' and 'well, ok...I guess until you can find someone else....' While all of these thing contain the proper vowel and consonant selections to form the word 'no', somehow a lot of other letters crash the party and I end up with a blood shot eyes and constantly clinched teeth. No, seriously, I'm having terrible headaches because I'm loosing sleep over my schedule these days. I don't go to bed anymore...I just lie on a mattress and download. That's it. Even when my brain manages to reach a RIM sleep level, I'm still working... planning... organizing... revamping... rearranging... spell checking... scheduling.
I can either quote every other work-a-holic hard ass in the world and say, "I can sleep when I'm dead!" or I can obey my fearless Republican leader....Nancy Reagan and just say "NO!"
But how do I know what my real fearless leader wants for me? I feel like God is definitely preparing me for something so I can't just go around saying "yes" to the things I want and "no" to the things I don't; He may have something entirely different in His Will for me.
I felt like he very clearly told me the other day that I am suppose to commit to the things he has equipped me for...I mean, he has prepared me for a purpose. So I can continue moving at this fast pace, but I need to be moving with Him in the right direction. If this is happening He will give me peace. I believe that all of these leadership roles at church and with my group are on par with His plan for me.
Then we get to the GCRW's stuff. I am struggling with all of these tasks because I really don't know what I'm doing; I've not been equipped. It's like I'm juggling 15 apples, that's a lot, but hey, I'm an apple juggler, I can handle that....then suddenly someone throws in a banana. No matter how many apples I get rid off, that banana is still going to mess up the whole rhythm I have going...I am not a banana juggler.
All of my apples are falling and getting damaged due to this; I'm becoming the jack of all trades and master of none.