Monday, February 4, 2008

I've been African-American-Listed

So last week, I received what I thought was a credible e-mail from a trusted family member regarding presidential hopeful Barack Obama and his Muslim background. While part of it was true, a majority was just sensationalized rumors.

Evidently, I live under a rock and was not aware that this particular chain letter had recently been debunked quite publicly in the media...and with poor judgement I forwarded this newly acquired information on. Honestly, I was shocked at what I read. I thought it was true. I couldn't believe it. I felt the need to enlighten others who may not be so privy to this guarded information.

As I quickly learned, the penalty for injudicious electronic mail forwards is death.

People were outraged. I was called a bigot, a racist, ignorant and a propagandist. But by far, the worst and most absurd criticism I received was that this e-mail was "the equivalent of a hate crime." Come again?

A hate crime; really? I feel confident that Matthew Shepard would be turning over in his grave at this remark.

A week later and I was still agitatedly perplexed by this ridiculous statement. As I feverishly lathered my hair in what was turning out to be a very unrelaxing shower I had an epiphany: This little twit was right. Not at all in the way his ignorant comment had intended to be, but still the statement in itself was correct.

That e-mail was indeed a hate crime. And I have come to conclusion that I am very much an Obamaphobic.

Just in the same way many homophobics secretly pine after same sex relations, I find myself fantasizing about affordable healthcare. Just as they might go on-line late at night to quench their hidden desires out of the view of others, I am on the Obama mailing list and faithfully read each update. Sometimes, when I'm all alone, I picture myself in the secluded confines of that private voting booth, out of the judgmental sight of others, doing the unthinkable...just letting my inhibitions go...throwing my morals to the wind and satisfying my plebiscite-ian would be my dirty little secret. It makes me feel like a very naughty Republican.

But then just as homophobes have to face the gruesome reality of sodomy, I quickly harrow at the mention of Obama's abortion stance. Both are violent, abrasive, and cause incredible discomfort.

And with this realization, as quickly as the impulsive Obama urge comes upon me my flesh is able to thrust it away.

Hi, my name is Destiny. And I'm an Obamaphobe.


Anonymous said...

You are a ham...but a ham with a great point! =)

Julie said...

...a ham with brown shuga coatin'.