Monday, August 20, 2007

Home Sour Home

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where something could either be the biggest blessing ever, given to you straight from God above, or the biggest curse/money pit/trap that's ever existed and it's just wrapped up in "blessing wrapping paper?"

Just like any good abusive relationship starts out, this house also, has to be one of the two.

It is so adorable, inexpensive, has a huge backyard, and is right across the street from the elementary school that Aiden would attend. (it does not help matters at all that I've invisioned sipping my coffee from the closed in porch while Eiffel and I wave as we watch him run off to school just as the sun is rising and angelic bursts of light bounce off of his golden hair, roughly 100 thousand times already) There are not many things that I do in true 'lady fashion' these days, but getting all emotional for a house is one of them....It's to the point where I may need to hire imaginary movers just to get my figments relocated. I am in love with this house.

But just like a sour relationship, this house too, has thrown up some red flags. And I find myself making almost, borderline, just barely, too many excuses for it. "Well, maybe it's been on the market so long, and dropped $5,000 bcause it was meant for us!" or "yeah, sure the floors kind of lean, and yeah, we may have to push the sofa back up to the wall once a day, but hey, this house has been here for 50 years! What could possible go wrong now?" or my personal favorite, "Smell? What smell?"

I love this house; Abrahm loves this house, but does God love this house for us, or are we simply lovestruck? We are both in prayer over it, and I personally am praying that if this is a lemon God shows me hands down, in my face, rotten beam hitting me over the head, what is wrong with it, because I know that's what it'll take.

The sad thing is, I don't even really want a house, not like Abrahm does at least. We have a really great apartment and I enjoy the freedom of not being a homeowner, I really, really do. But just like that first black eye followed by a sincere, genuine apology, this house has me hooked....I've never liked "bad boys" but I do sense a propensity towards "bad houses."


Julie said...

Aww, its cute. And quit kidding yourself, its obvious that you want a house badly, there is nothing wrong with that.

I would hope that, as long as you spend time waiting for His answer, God would make this one pretty clear, houses are a big commitment.

Apartments are nice, anytime there is a repair, its fixed. Appliances replaced for free. No yardwork.

Bigger utility bills...etc.

All I'm saying, is if you guys are happy with your apartment, then wait till you are ready, like, really ready. I would have stayed in my apartment if we didn't have to wear bullet proof vests when we went to sleep.

Julie said...

Wait, did I totally kill your dream? Its a cute house, what all is wrong with it?

Destiny said...

you are so anti-house.

Julie said...

No, I am anti stressed out Destiny.

KC said...

It's amazing that you are struggling with the same torment I recently went through!
(complete with the future visions of a worry free family tramping through the backyard as if only a house could make our lives complete)
I drove by the house every day. I prayed every time I drove by. "God, I want this house...I want it bad. Give it to me" (not my exact words, but indeed the exact meaning behind them)
Day after day, he did not.
I changed my prayer..."God, make me hate this house, if it is not for me" (again, the meaning- but not-so-much the words I said)
He did not do this for me either. Instead...someone else bought it.
However my longings have changed. He did speak this to me, "Take care of what you have, and then I can show you more blessings" I looked at my backyard with grass knee high and thought... "Oh, all right."