Friday, August 31, 2007

Young Pilgrims

Have you ever buried a trauma in a song?...And then when you hear that song again it's almost like a day hasn't gone by.

I'm so amazed how this song, this melody, is capable of debilitating me....causing me actual, physical pain.

3 years ago when my brother died, the Shins had just come out with a new album. I listened to it night and day. I listened to it when I couldn't muster the courage to take one step out of my bed...I blared it from my car stereo while I got drunk at the tree he hit and sobbed myself into oblivion. I knew then that I would never be able to enjoy a song on that album ever.

Not that it was a band he ever liked, or even the type of music he listened to, it was just there--marking that devastating time period and now it's a sound from the darkness. A soundtrack to the deepest wound I've ever endured.

Abrahm accidentally played one of the songs this afternoon and I almost folded over in pain. Immediately the breathe was sucked right out of my lungs and my head was flushed with thousands of images and emotions. It was like he literally opened up a pandorain-death box and let it ravage my soul.

It sucks too, because the Shins are pretty are a few of the ode to the song I will never love again.

A cold and wet November dawn
And there are no barking sparrows
Just emptiness to dwell upon.

But I learned fast how to keep my head up 'cause I
Know there is this side of me that
Wants to grab the yoke from the pilot and just
Fly the whole mess into the sea.


Anonymous said...

I hope you feel better...I wanted to say something more moving and something that would magically make it all better, but just like three yrs. ago, all I can come up with is: I'm sorry and I'm here if ya need to talk. :)

KC said...

I barely know you Destiny, but I can relate to the hurt associated with music.

It has the the same effect with all emotions. Pain, hurt and yet also Happiness and hope too.

Some lyrics that I hope could help offer these:

There’s a moment when
Faith caves in
There’s a time when every soul is certain God is gone

But every shadow is evidence of sun and every tomorrow holds out hope for us for every one of us

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

May peace be continually with you in times of hurt Destiny.

Destiny said...

Aw, thank you Kat and Kasey.

I'm not in a huge funk...just hit one of those time bombs that pop up randomly and blow the world upside down for a second, but I'm better now

It'll be 3 years on the 12th and I imagine I will be feeling a little blue around that time, I usually do, but staying busy helps. I just can't believe it's almost been 3 years....

Julie said...

Aw, that sucks.

Its so weird how people have different references and whatnot when it comes to music. That song sounds like a happy road trip song.

Julie said...

Wait, did I totally sound like a jerk?

Julie said...

Wait, did I totally sound like a jerk?

Destiny said...


Destiny said...

kind of.

Julie said...