Friday, August 31, 2007
Have you ever buried a trauma in a song?...And then when you hear that song again it's almost like a day hasn't gone by.
I'm so amazed how this song, this melody, is capable of debilitating me....causing me actual, physical pain.
3 years ago when my brother died, the Shins had just come out with a new album. I listened to it night and day. I listened to it when I couldn't muster the courage to take one step out of my bed...I blared it from my car stereo while I got drunk at the tree he hit and sobbed myself into oblivion. I knew then that I would never be able to enjoy a song on that album ever.
Not that it was a band he ever liked, or even the type of music he listened to, it was just there--marking that devastating time period and now it's a sound from the darkness. A soundtrack to the deepest wound I've ever endured.
Abrahm accidentally played one of the songs this afternoon and I almost folded over in pain. Immediately the breathe was sucked right out of my lungs and my head was flushed with thousands of images and emotions. It was like he literally opened up a pandorain-death box and let it ravage my soul.
It sucks too, because the Shins are pretty awesome...here are a few of the verses...an ode to the song I will never love again.
A cold and wet November dawn
And there are no barking sparrows
Just emptiness to dwell upon.
But I learned fast how to keep my head up 'cause I
Know there is this side of me that
Wants to grab the yoke from the pilot and just
Fly the whole mess into the sea.