Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Vices: Which Is Worse; Vanity or Apollonia?

Lately it has come to my attention that I have a real problem with vanity. Not in the sense that I always want to look, pretty, or sexy, or even attractive at all, but in trying to uphold this high standard of modesty that I've set for myself I have begun to really obsess about everything from my clothes to my shoes. It's not unusual for me to go through 2-3 outfits before going out until I find just the right one that's not too attention grabbing. And I guess that's the point; more than just the modesty alone, I've noticed that I use clothes as a way to define myself.

The other night in our small group the discussion turned towards women overseas who wear burkas and it was interesting to see how five middle class, caucasian, Americans felt about this issue. In the beginning was a feeling of pity; 'these poor women being forced to dress like this'. But after a few prodding comments the group began to realize that perhaps we are the prisoners. This concept has really stuck with me. I know that I am a prisoner of my own vanity; my own concept of modesty. In an attempt to go unnoticed and simplify my problems I've become obsessed with my appearance. I feel that I should also clarify, when I say modesty, I am not implying that I choose this based on anyone else's temptations. I am not upholding this belief because I am protecting a man from my super desirable womenlicious powers or anything, no; a man's need for self control is his own battle. I choose to maintain my modesty out of respect for myself; why should I give away beauty that belongs to me? Either way, once this idea really started weighing on me I realized, I recognize this feeling. First God showed me this form of idolatry with my possessions, and I broke away from that. Now he is showing me the strongholds that my clothing has over me.


I've decided that I'm going to start wearing Kurtas; simplify my life a little, and break free from this prison of vanity. I know what you're thinking.....I'm one manifesto short of starting my own cult. And to that I say, 'you thirsty'?

1 comment:

Holliston said...

Your writing is fantastic!
Holliston